The Tale of the Missing Lost Tooth…

14

June 14, 2012 by Kim

I have to admit that Hubs is not always a willing participant in the background of this blog

Wait… let me rephrase that.

Hubs is pretty much never a willing participant in the background of this blog

Or at least that’s what he claims.  However… I think, deep down, he secretly enjoys the additional attention.

I mean, who wouldn’t love having people yell out “TETHER-BALL” as they pass by you at work?

If anyone ever drove by me at work and yelled out “TETHER-BALL” I would probably bust into some kind of random tether-ball Vogue pose…  I think Hubs just needs to learn how to have some fun.

and Hubs just thinks that I need to stop taking “random” pictures of him

In my own defense… Why wouldn’t I want to take a picture of him mowing the grass in my backyard?  I thought he looked cute.  I mean it’s not like was mowing the grass in his tighty-whities or anything.  He was fully clothed….even had a hat on and shit

and if him and The Beast are slumbering peacefully in our bed… do you really expect me to NOT record that moment?  If they weren’t all cuddled up and if The Beast wasn’t practically spooning my Hubs, under our comforter, I probably wouldn’t give it a second glance…

He brings it on himself.

…or so I always thought

The other night, I got a taste of my own medicine…. And it was bitter

An exposed blogger is rarely a pretty site.  We spend a majority of our time exposing the oddities, found in our surroundings. The peculiar is often analyzed, dissected and rearranged…with a fancy exclamation point placed at the end.  I thrive on having people laugh with me… at my life.  It’s a complete adrenalin rush. I thrive on knowing that despite the madness circling around me… Despite the half-consumed action figures, the constant shuffling and the 17 loaves of bread we go through a week… Despite the insanity, I remain in some type of control.

At least on paper…

Earlier this week, I may or may not have accidentally thrown away a tooth that Dickie had lost earlier that day.  The tooth in question had released itself from Dickie’s mouth during a lunch out with his Nana.  Nana, being the good Nana that she is, immediately wrapped the escaped tooth in a napkin and transported it back to my house.  Later that night, as the kids were preparing to go to bed, Dickie inquired about his tooth.

Ummmmm…

Crap.

After coming home from work, I clearly remember straightening up the kitchen.  For the life of me, however, I could NOT remember if I had thrown away a folded up napkin.  With Dickie’s back turned I flashed my panic-eyes towards Hubs.  He looked at me curiously and I readjusted my gaze to read “Oh, shit…. I think I threw away the kid’s tooth!”  Realizing that he still wasn’t getting the whole picture, I added 2 extra exclamation points to the end of my wide-eyed gaze of doom.  I clearly saw the exact moment the recognition of my possible blunder washed over his face.  I slowly mouthed the words “Help Me!” towards my  loving spouse.  If anyone could save me, it would be him.  My knight in shining armor.

My hero.

A slow smile slide over the entirety of his face.  We both turned to Dickie and before I could even find a breath of relief to exhale, Hubs was explaining to our son how Momma had thrown away his tooth… into the trash

The sentence was repeated… multiple times.  Each time adding different adjectives to describe how monstrous Mommy was.  Dickie turned his entire body to face me.  I tried to look away. I was well aware of the glare that would be heading my way.  I hate that glare.

I quickly began to scan the countertops, hoping to see that damned napkin… folded up, hiding in plain sight.  As moved through the kitchen, Dickie emitted a death-wail and lunged head first into the kitchen trash can.  Hubs managed to grab him, just before the point of no return.  The smirk on Hub’s face burned daggers into my soul.  Dickie sadly informed me that I had cracked his heart and quietly exited the kitchen.

I stared at my beaming husband and stammered about how I wasn’t even sure that I was the one who threw it away.  I made a lack-luster attempt to point the blame towards the older 2 kids. Hubs wasn’t having it.  I don’t make fumbles, of this enormity, very often…. But, when I do he relishes in it.

I sunk dejectedly into our old computer chair and suggested that we use the old “We’ll leave the tooth fairy a note” line and continued to mumble-ramble about how I wasn’t completely sure I had thrown away the tooth… Hubs mind was elsewhere, though…  His face lit up, for the second time that night.  I glanced at him curiously….

“What?  What, now???”

He slowly crossed the room.  Eyes never leaving the heap, that was my body, sitting in the chair…  I gazed at him, exhausted.

And then came the word that changed the entire course of my night.

Words that cut like a knife.

Deep and Hot…

“Ohhhh!” He exclaimed, still moving towards the back door “I am SO putting this on Facebook!”

I flailed wildly and shrieked at him to stop, but I couldn’t bring myself to physically exit my chair of shame… I watched through the glass doors as he frolicked to the garage, merrily typing into his phone, as a Marlboro Red hung from his lips. 

Within seconds, it was done.

The hunter had become the hunted…

But, what’s that old saying that I’ve mentioned time and time again???

Never….. NEVER piss off the Blogger.

Congrats Hubs, you just earned yourself a whole entry!

XOXO

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