Making Amends with my Old Phone…

8

June 8, 2012 by Kim


As the days continue to roll by I find myself getting more and more used to my new iPhone

Usually, as I get used to things… I tend to abuse them.

This has not proven to be the case with my iPhone

Looking back, I realize that I may have treated my old dumb-phone… kind of badly

and I should probably apologize

So, old dumb-phone… this one’s for you.

Dear Dumb-Phone: I’m sorry for calling you dumb-phone.  Truth is, you’re not dumb…. just kind of slow.  Just because you were chronically mute…. and just because it would take 6 minutes to connect to the internet….and just because I couldn’t play any of the “with friends” games while they were actually still popular…. all that was no reason to refer to you as dumb. I’m truly sorry.

Dear… ummmm… previous phone: I’m sorry for using you to try to hammer nails into the wall. I’m also sorry for throwing you to the ground after I slammed you into my finger, which was holding the nail.  I’m also sorry for kicking you into the closet after you landed on the ground.  I’m also sorry for closing the closet doors and whispering mean things to you under the crack of said door.  I’m truly sorry.

Dear previous phone: I’m sorry for throwing you at Hub’s face… I’m sorry for throwing you at almost every wall in your house… I’m sorry for throwing you at that kid on a bike… I’m sorry for throwing you under my car… I’m sorry for throwing you at that stranger with an iPhone…. I’m sorry for throwing you at that bumble bee, that one time…. I’m sorry for throwing you behind me… I’m sorry for attempting to throw you out of the rolled up passenger side window of the car…. I’m truly sorry.

Dear previous phone: I’m sorry for using you as a hard surface to scratch my lottery tickets.

Dear previous phone: I’m sorry about the multitude of times when you fell out of my pocket on to the floor next to some random toilet.

Dear previous phone: I’m sorry for using you as a plate, when I wanted a snack.

Dear previous phone: I’m sorry for screaming at you when you died after finally falling INTO a toilet.

Dear previous phone: I’m sorry for using a baggy of the cheap rice to dry you out, when I knew I had jasmine rice in the cabinet.

Dear previous phone:  I’m sorry for openly drooling over other phones, when I knew you were watching.

Dear previous phone:  I’m sorry for getting upset with you, when your slide out keyboard couldn’t double as a butter knife.  I just really wanted a slice off that chunk of cheese.

Dear previous phone: I’m sorry for removing your back, taking out your battery and throwing all three pieces of you at the wall.

Dear previous phone: I’m sorry for trying to trade you for a really delicious looking sandwich.

Dear previous phone: I’m sorry for trying to wrap you in birthday paper and give you to Toys for Tots.

Dear previous phone: When you were found under the table, at the bar, I’m sorry for pretending that I didn’t know who you were.

Dear previous phone: I’m sorry for all the different things I have stuck into you, while trying to remove your battery.

Dear previous phone: I’m sorry for throwing you in the air and forgetting to catch you.

and last but, not least…. for today, anyways….

Dear previous phone:  I’m sorry for trying to sign you up for the military….

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8 thoughts on “Making Amends with my Old Phone…

  1. hiyacynthia says:

    Like it, Kim! I’ve done a few of those things to my own dumb-phone. Hey, at least I’ve got some cute bling on her so she looks smarter…

  2. And this is funny as sin. Oh, how I laughed! I too am rough with phones that…anger or disappoint me.

  3. GingerSnaap says:

    Dear Kimberlove’s old phone, I am glad you were lame because it makes for a fucktastic story.

    Love,
    Snappy,G

  4. Pasadena says:

    Thank you for revealing so much inside kimberliah.com

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