Saying Goodbye to yet another School Year…


May 29, 2012 by Kim

It is a yearly ritual, for the parents of school-age children, to quietly rejoice as Summer comes to a close…

For that one brief moment in time the Working Mom and the Stay at Home Mom will put their differences aside to join one another in gleefully posting their “First Day of School” pictures onto Facebook… and if you venture out early enough, a minivan convoy can be seen gracefully circling your neighborhood elementary school, a good 4 to 6 hours before the first bell of the day is due to ring.

Those long summer days can wear down even the most patient of parents…

There is only one joyous event that can compare to the returning of the children to school

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…and that’s the release of the children for summer break.

You think 3 months of summer is tiresome?

Try 9 months of schooling…

Let me break it down for you… *the working mom version*

A is for Attendance… Your child has missed 3 days of the entire year.  Two were for the flu and the 3rd was a spur of the moment mini-vacation *cough,cough*… I mean dentist appointment…  The school records show your child to have 17… SEVENTEEN

B is for Buses… None of which stop anywhere close to your house.  At least your children are actively collecting their very own “I had to walk 7 miles, through the desert winds… uphill, to get to school” stories…

C is for Class Parties…  In one year, I have purchased more boxes of Capri-Suns and bags of cookies, for the classroom parties than I EVER have for my entire household… and those damned kids can’t even be bothered to bring me home a pity cupcake!

D is for Dinosaurs… and the 163 pictures of their skeletons that you received , on your cell phone, from your field trippen’ 5th grader.

E is for Education… The education YOU’RE receiving regarding tether-ball,  fund-raisers and inappropriate text messages throughout the 13-year-old community.

F is for Fees… Start selling your shit now.  There’s missing library books, ASB card replacements, PE clothing replacements, page 5 in the Biology book replacement, end of the year dances, yearbooks, end of the year field trips and my all time favorite… the substantial fee your autistic son has managed to rack up in the cafeteria, by hiding his sack lunch and placing a hot lunch on “credit”  Yes, my 7-year-old autistic son has a line of credit in the cafeteria…

G is for Grading… A-F, 1-5 … what does it all mean?  A plus sign… a minus sign?  A happy face?  Why is there a “100%” in that paper with the zeros made in the eyes of an unhappy face?  Is that bad?  “Oh, my child received a sideways purple dollar sign on their midterms… That’s good right?”  Can’t we just go back to using scratch and sniff stickers?

H is for Homework… Congratulations, school district, for allowing me to feel like a total moron while attempting to help my 1st grader with his homework.  Is there a page missing from that packet?  2 pages?  Shouldn’t the written instructions contain at least one vowel?

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I is for Irate… The feeling that washes over you, at bedtime, when your child nonchalantly mentions that the Science Fair is tomorrow morning and that they should probably turn something in…. this will be followed by at least one more child gasping and declaring that they too forgot about the science fair… How late is Wal-Mart open on school nights?

J is for Jelly… Somehow, during the previous night’s creation of school lunches, a blob of jelly will have ended up somewhere other than on a sandwich.  A cabinet door, inside your purse, on top of the dog’s head, on the bottom of your shoe… the possibilities are endless…

K is for Kim… Not the name, the signature…in which I suspect the 8th grader may be getting a little TOO good at writing…

L is for lunches… Bag lunches to be exact.  At this point during the year, I despise them… from their stupid little sandwiches to their stupid individual bags of chips… By May I officially hate the way a Capri-Sun feels in the palm of my hand.

M is for Milk Money… Because the 7-year-old SWEARS he will die without having the proper daily intake of chocolate milk.

N is for Notebooks… Every year you stock up on them… every year they become dedicated to something entirely non-school related.  There’s a chore notebook, a sketching notebook, the notebook you commandeered for keeping track of your bills…. the notebook that is mysteriously missing all of it’s pages, the notebook that has your youngest child’s name written “mirror-style” on every page”… the notebook that is too far in the dog’s kennel to retrieve… the notebook you use to scratch your lottery tickets on…. the possibilities are endless.

O is for Octomom… and the fact that she gets to deal with this X 400 … good luck with that, Dear.    If you’re guessing that I came up empty for “O” ….  Guilty

P is for Permission Slips…. or the exact reason the 8th grade was taught how to duplicate your signature, in the first place…

Q is for Quickly… How everything must be done.  Take a shower quickly, eat your dinner quickly, get to school quickly, find your brother’s lost library book quickly…

R is for Report Cards… All 58 of them… when I was growing up, I swear that we only received 4 report cards a year. I’m not even sure what they’re reporting on anymore…

S is for Sandwiches… and the fact that 3 boys will use an entire half of a loaf of bread to make their lunches, for the next day. 1 loaf = 2 days… stupid sandwiches

T is for Thursdays…. or as we here in Barstow, call them… Wacky Cake Days.  The best cake, ever created… and only the children are privy to it… While you’re attempting to help them with their homework, later that night…. you will smell its deliciousness seeping from their pores. But, you gets none.

U is for Underwear… the boxer briefs you purchased back in August are barely hanging on by a thread…  You include them in your nightly prayers… Underwear is expensive and you won’t feel comfortable with them going commando until Summer has officially started.

V is for Violin… the tiny one that you’ve been playing for your children every time they get bent out of shape over generic Oreos, not being able to find their coveted “school shirt” on Fridays and hearing the word “No” in regards to the Scholastic Book Club Flyers, multiple fund-raisers and taking frozen french fries to school, for lunch

W is for Wardrobe… Didn’t I JUST buy them clothes?  At least one of the children will end the year wearing the same 5 outfits every week… If laundry doesn’t get done, on schedule… Monday’s outfit may also become Thursday’s outfit.. and then next Tuesday’s outfit.  3/4 of the socks will contain 2-5 holes. Backpacks will only have one functioning strap.

X is for Nothing…. I’m already tired of this list and I refuse to put “X-ray” just because it’s the only X word I can think of, right now…

Y is for Yesterday… You know…. yesterday.  When the school had that huge awards assembly and your kid got that kick ass award… but you weren’t there, because you forgot/had to work/weren’t told about it… Yeah, yesterday.

Z is for Zero… Which is the amount of seconds that I wish I had spent compiling this list…

Yah, I’m over it… and I need to go make sandwiches

Come on Summer, we’re ready for you…


4 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye to yet another School Year…

  1. I chuckled at the loaf of bread thing. We always have a feast or famine thing going on here. Either we have ONE loaf, that is gone by the time breakfast is over (7-9 people here all the time), or we have 5 loaves, molding in the pantry and suddenly no one wants bread anymore…LOL. Same with milk…we have 1/2 a gallon and everyone wants cereal, or we have 4 gallons that we toss from getting spoiled.

    • Kim says:

      LOL… I think the only thing this doesn’t happen with is cookies… Those never stick around long enough to go bad 😉

  2. This list is amazing! I loved most of them, and TAKE THAT OCTOMOM! My favourite is H. Shouldn’t the written instructions contain at least one vowel??? Bt wh wld thy d tht whn t’s s mch mr fn wtchng prnts strggl?

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