May 19, 2012 by Kim
I believe that most people have at least one friend who would do anything for us…
They’re the ones who we continuously turn to when the going gets tough
When you accidentally shrink your husband’s favorite shirt in the dryer, they will not only allow you to dispose of the miniature garment at their house… they will also scour Ebay for hours looking for the exact replica, charge the replacement shirt and overnight shipping to their Mother-in law’s credit card, receipt for the shirt, wash the shirt using whichever detergent you currently use and covertly place the shirt into your hands, with any identifying stains, cigarette holes and/or tears already applied.
This, is an awesome friend to have.
But what happens when you call that trusted friend, declaring once again that you had spent the entirety of your rent money on liquor and Beanie Babies… and the only response you receive is the dial tone?
I recently received the harsh slap of rejection from one of my “near and dears”
NyQuil and I have had a long beautiful friendship…
Wait, let me re-phrase that. RED NyQuil and I have had a long beautiful friendship. Green NyQuil is evil and gross and currently not allowed within 25 feet of my home.
When Generic NyQuil entered my life, I’ll admit I was weary. Red NyQuil had always been so good to me. If I ever felt I was on the brink of dying, a hefty dose of Red NyQuil and the resulting coma could always provide complete relief. The only issue that I had with Red NyQuil was the cost… If you have to practically finance your cold remedy, you might want to start looking elsewhere.
…and there he was, sitting all proudly next to the Red NyQuil, dressed up in his best Generic wrapper. The price was considerably lower so I decided to give the Generic NyQuil a try.
The first night of substitution was scary. I poured the Generic NyQuil into its generic measuring cup and hesitated… I felt like crap. If the Generic NyQuil couldn’t do the job, I would continue to feel like crap. I was not liking that option. I feared that option. But, without any other viable options, I quickly drank it down. The next morning came swiftly. My eyes opened as the music from my alarm clock filled my ears. I lay there for a moment assessing my breathing situation. Full inhale. Full Exhale.
Generic NyQuil became the new staple in my medicine cabinet.
Fast forward to a few nights ago…
It was a work night and I had a nasty cough that I could not seem to get rid of. If I wasn’t coughing, I was clearing my throat… every 2.5 minutes. After an hour and 24 throat clearings, I felt my irritation slowly rising. There was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep with all this nonsense going on. Luckily I remembered that I had purchased some Generic NyQuil over the past weekend.
I measured out the now familiar concoction and drank it with ease. After rinsing the generic residue from the little plastic cup, I returned to my place on the couch… relieved to know there was an end in sight to this incessant throat clearing. I continued to fast forward through my DVR recordings and randomly clear my throat…. for the next 2 hours. By the time I entered the 120 minute mark, I was angry. The sound of myself clearing my own throat over and over and over was making me enraged. It was like nails on a blackboard… Every throat clearing was now being followed by random profanity. The NyQuils had never done this to me before… it was almost as though someone had replaced my beloved medicine with Kool-Aid, or something.
As my panic level began to rise, I swiftly prepared another dose and drank it down. I knew it was a bad idea but I could not take another 30 minutes of that sound. I don’t recall what exactly happened after that dose was consumed. I do know that soon afterwards I went to bed…. I know that I awoke, delusional, at around 1AM and yelled at Hubs for “moving around” complaining that I had yet to go to sleep. I sat up twice announcing that I was going to go sleep on the couch, since he couldn’t stop “moving around” I believe that he pretended to still be asleep during my outbursts and no, he wasn’t thrashing around like a mad man…. I think he merely rolled from his left side to his back.
4 hours later my alarm clock harshly shook me from my sleep. As I staggered into the bathroom, I realized that I felt somewhat better. Not as good as my usual post-Generic NyQuil experiences… but not horrible.
I still felt cheated, though… Where was my standard issue Generic NyQuil coma?
I finished getting ready for work and woke the Hubs, briefly apologizing for last night’s outbursts.
He claimed ignorance and later as we got in the truck and backed down the driveway, I felt a familiar feeling
He turned to drive down our street and I tried to ignore it.
I tried to fight it… to convince myself it was all in my head and as we made one more left turn the sun momentarily blinded me
and I cleared my throat.