March 8, 2012 by Kim
Stating that work has been a bit overwhelming, lately, would be a complete understatement…
This week has definitely been a force to reckon with
Every time that I think I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, something… somehow happens
You know that saying “Shit happens”
Well, it does… and shit comes in many forms.
Whether it be the shrill unforgiving ring of your phone or that ominous shadow, patiently waiting in the doorway of your cubicle….
It always results in the same thing… more work
and the level of importance in regards to the new task seems to directly correlate with the amount of projects that you are currently… feverishly work on
Already got 3-5 hot taskers that all probably should have been completed in 1997?
Well, guess what? Bossy-Poo has a new MEGA-SUPER-HOT project that has been passed down, within the last 3 minutes, from 17 levels up the government food chain.
and they wanted the results 5 minutes ago.
Ready… Set…. Go
So, here I sit… pecking this entry out…
One hand on the keyboard, one hand holding a bag of frozen cauliflower against my aching neck/back/shoulder
MEGA-SUPER-HOT project was completed and submitted….and now I feel like I got hit by a truck
So, what can I do to ease the tension that is currently holding my brain and neck/back/shoulder hostage?
Why, I think I’ll make up a drinking game….
and it shall be called
CUBICLE DRINKING GAMES
***feel free to play along***
-Every time a co-worker nonchalantly begins to clip their nails, take a shot. If it’s toe-nails they’re trimming… take 2 shots
-Every time one of a co-workers cube-walls falls in on them, take a shot. An extra shot will be added for additional people, within the cubicle, at the time of the walls collapse
-Every time a co-worker refers to themselves in the third-person, take a shot.
-Every time someone steals the little roller ball from your mouse, take a shot. If you unplug the mouse, before you notice the ball is missing take 2 shots. If you restart the computer, before you notice the ball is missing take 3 shots. If you call IT, before you notice the ball is missing take the rest of the day off.
-Every time you see a single dusty leg dangling above a co-workers head where a construction worker almost fell through the ceiling, take a shot. If you immediately return to your cubicle to create a version, in Paint, of what you just witnessed, take 2 shots. If the dusty leg is dangling above your head, take a shot and then take the rest of the week off and blame it on stress.
-Every time you hear the phrases “Locked and Loaded” “Thrown under the bus” and “That’s not MY job” take a shot.
-Every time a co-worker burns their popcorn, take a shot and promptly join every other co-worker within 750 feet in loudly complaining about the distinct aroma. Every time that you burn the popcorn, take a shot and deny ownership of the charred orphan popcorn.
-Every time you return from a trip to the restroom and find all the vowels on your keyboard missing, take a shot. If there is an accompanying ransom note, take 2 shots… if you actually have to supply with the requested ransom to retrieve your vowels, take 3 shots. If you don’t know where on your keyboard the vowels go after their return, take a nap… under your desk.
-Every time the boss enters your cubicle and you’re on a non-work related website, take a shot. You’re on Facebook, take 2 shots. You’re on Pornhub, take 3 shots.
Every time you hear “Oh, So-and-So’s *insert random bosses name here* daughter/son/wife/dad/cousin/twin brother/common-law spouse/foster-son’s birth-mom/granddaughter just got hired out here” take a shot.
-Every time you find yourself working through breaks/lunch/quitting time, take a shot. If you can successfully deter another co-worker from taking THEIR break or lunch, take 2 shots.
-Every time that you manage to make the opening to your cubicle 1 inch smaller, take a shot.
Every time you discreetly manage to wake a co-worker up, during work hours… when they shouldn’t be sleeping, take a shot… and make them give you 5 dollars.
*Christmas time only* -Every time you find yourself heading to your vehicle, carrying 12 plastic bags full of frozen tamales that you bought from 12 different co-workers, take a shot… after you are safely home. Let’s face it…those tamales are going to be crazy good after all those shots, today.