Dear Random Neighborhood Cats…


February 3, 2012 by Kim

Dear Random Neighborhood Cats (RNCs):

I naively thought, at one point in time, we could find a way to co-exist in some sort of forced harmony.  As long as you didn’t bother me or mine…. I would not acknowledge your existence.  It would be a win-win situation for all involved.  But RNCs… you have broken the treaty.

Prepare for war…

My tolerance for RNCs has been extremely low throughout my adult years… actually my tolerance for any cat has been extremely low.  There’s something about my personality and a cat’s personality that just doesn’t mesh.  The hatred is mutual.  We sicken each other.

See this garage, RNCs?

Oh, yes… you know this garage well.  This is MY garage, RNCs… and you know that, too!  This is MY garage… Not your garage.  This garage was supposed to be a RNC free zone.  This was agreed upon, damnit!    The exact millisecond when you made the decision to step one tiny fuzzy cute little paw into MY domain… all bets were off.  You are ALL free game now!

I don’t even want to know which one of you furry little assholes chose to null our agreement.  I really and truthfully don’t care.  It could have just been one of you… or it could have been dozens…

cats on cats on cats on cats

You’re all going down.

It’s bad enough that you took it upon yourselves to enter MY garage… that was sacred concrete, RNCs

but, you also chose to do the unthinkable.

The one-act which could push me over the edge

The one thing that throws me into a twitchy inconsolable state, leaving me unable to complete even the simplest full sentence.

My version of kryptonite?   The specific undeniable odor,  that is cat urine.

I may have not even EVER known that you had gone in there, you ignorant souls!  I could have been blissfully unaware of any wrong doings.

The pact could have still been solid.

But you had to do it, didn’t you?  You just had to make that conscious decision to urinate on my piles of dirty clothes, which were gathered by the washing machine.   That smell…. that damned evil putrid smell.

So, as I was saying, RNCs.  It is ON.  Watch your backs.  Sleep with both eyes open… and another dirty ass cat, standing watch.

Ever heard of the Mentos and Coke Rocket?   *Yay!  Fun for all!!!*

How about a Mentos and Coke Feline suppository?   *Not so fun! Run and hide!!!*

Payback’s a bitch.   You’ve messed with the wrong female.


The Bitch whos kid’s clothes you pissed on


4 thoughts on “Dear Random Neighborhood Cats…

  1. Dude, that sucks. I’m sorry. We adopted a cat (not a RNC, but still) who peed on my bathroom rug more than once, and got up on my dining room table and peed there. I had to bring her back to the Animal Rescue League. I don’t know if she was ill or had a behavior issue, but I couldn’t do it. I felt so bad, but she had to go.

  2. Sarchasm2 says:

    Violating the sanctity of the garage cannot be tolerated. Off with his head forthwith 🙂

  3. Spectra says:

    They know the rules!

    I had a neighbor who used orange peels all around the border gardens to keep cats from squirting their man-spray in there. It seemed to work – citrus repels cats. But it has to be peels. Good luck

  4. The Hook says:

    I feel sorry for those cats…
    They’ll be using a few lives if you catch up with ’em!

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