February 2, 2012 by Kim
Every single place of employment has one….
the token “weird” guy
I first came into contact with our resident TWG about 6 years ago
We shared a small-ish office and luckily I was fluent in Weird
Actually, I believe it may have been have been my native tongue…
we quickly became buddies
We would boisterously make fun of people in the nearby shops…. loudly cuss each other out…Photoshop missing supervisor’s faces on cartoon milk cartons…
at one point I had drawn an elaborate mural covering half of the whiteboard, behind his desk, depicting him… his bestie… his bestie’s oversized tricycle and a dumpster
That picture still graced the white board, when I was finally promoted.
I lived to torment him.
I mean seriously, what could be more fun than tormenting the token weird guy?
Because you KNOW he’s gonna totally weird out on you!
Without a doubt… The weird will be unleashed
One day, TWG decided to take the day off….
Complete and TOTAL mistake!
I had 9 hours… completely left to my own devices, in our little office-cave
Was I mature about the situation?
Did I perhaps do a little spring cleaning, maybe?
What the heck, people??? Do you not know me, AT ALL?!?!?
Hell, no I didn’t.
This…. THIS is what TWG returned, the next morning, to find
This picture does not do my masterpiece justice, at all…. He had already removed half of it, at least…
There was shit hanging EVERYWHERE!!!
He gave up after a while and left most of it up… and for the next week, every time he would rise, to go out the door, he would run face first into an empty hanging Monster can or a strand of tape holding all of his paperclips
every last one of them…
and then he would shriek multiple cuss words at me and slam the door, on his way out
and I. Would. Laugh.
Our friendship has remained… despite working in separate areas, now
We still mumble threats and obscenities as we pass each other in the halls
He still tampers with my cubicle, when he happens to walk by…
I still discreetly flip him off in meetings and give him the stink eye
That’s just how we vibe…
and it works, for us
Today, I happened to turn a corner and there he was…
Wearing camouflage shorts… The camo shorts didn’t really draw my attention, right away. We work on a Marine base…. Da’ Boss wears camo…
But there was something about TWG’s camo that was… different
I walked a few feet closer, staring at his shorts and bust up laughing
At that point, I had to just keep walking….
but, I would meet those camo shorts again, later during the day.
As TWG sauntered into my cube, a few hours later… I once again felt the laughter fall out of my face.
TWG!!! What the hell is up with those shorts???
I wish this picture did the “pattern” more justice
I’m used to seeing the “I’m hiding is the jungle” camo
or the “I’m hiding in the desert” camo
TWG’s pattern was more like…”I’m hiding in the shrubbery, in front of your windows” camo
Total creeper status
I asked him if this special pattern was referred to as “Peeping Tom Camo”
and the mere fact that he IS our Token Weird Guy, made this THAT much funnier…
***as a side note, TWG shared with me that he had already been approached, once that day, asking if the camo pattern was marijuana leaves***
and these, my friends, are the little moments that get you through to the 4 o’clock dismissal bell…