The Hell Shower…

3

January 24, 2012 by Kim


I’ve learned something through the last… 7 years of marriage

and yes, I just totally had to pull out my handy-dandy little calculator…don’t judge.

At least I finally remember which year we were married.

That’s progress, son

So, one of the things I have learned and that I’m sure most married couples will agree on, is to pick my battles wisely

Does it irritate me when I find 4+ days worth of abandoned water cups, on his nightstand?

Does it irritate me that no matter how many times I move the physical location of our laundry basket to where ever he seems to most commonly drop his dirty clothes, his pile will STILL usually end up in a heap in the basket’s previous spot?

Does it irritate me when he opens mail that is addressed to me?

Well, obviously that answer to the above questions are yes…. but the petty arguments that would follow my nagging would totally not be worth it.

Been down that road… it’s not fun, trust me

and besides, it’s always SO much more useful to save all of these minor annoyances and let it bubble up under your skin…

and then, one day, when you ask what he wants for lunch and he chooses the wrong kind of cheese for his sandwich… it will end up being a pretty good cardio work out as you stage-5 freak-out all up and down the entirety of your house…. and part of the garage… next to the washer and dryer

Because, let’s face it, I do 2 very distinct things when I’m mad…

1. I rage

2. I clean

yes, both at the same time…. I’ll be yelling that he’s a worthless piece of crap, while windexing the bathroom mirror…

I’ll be loudly muttering various half-ass threats as I’m sorting the whites and the jeans

I’ll be flailing and venting while loading and unloading the dishwasher…

I can have had no previous inclination, whatsoever, to clean anything, that day… anything at all

but, you set me off and I turn into Mr. Clean…. only not so bald…and possessing a serious case of PMS

Sometimes I think that Hubs sets me off, on purposely, just to get the house straightened up…

Jerkface

One of the biggest pet peeves, I have… Has never even been shared, with him

It pertains to the shower

We both seem to appreciate a nice hot shower… sometimes, if all the planets align, our schedules will somewhat match up and I’ll end up taking my shower directly after his…

and sometimes he’ll even remember to leave the water on, as requested, when he gets out

and I’ll get in…

and shower…

and the water feels good…. nice and hot

Finally, something we have in common… maybe this whole marriage thing  isn’t that bad after all…

 ahhhhhhhh

So the time will eventually come to remove myself from the shower, before it begins to chill

and, just like usual, I will turn the hot and cold handles in unison…

because that’s how I roll

and it’s habit

and then I will notice that the cold handle stopped turning about 3.8 seconds ago and I’m currently still spinning the hot one

and then pure fire will begin to shoot from the shower head and attempt to cook me

and no matter where I try to position my scalding flesh… the fire drops still manage to hit me

and that damned hot handle is STILL freaking spinning

and it burns…

it really freaking burns

and I want to cry… and escape

but I  can’t figure out how to get passed that damned shower curtain, without it sticking to me…

and it’s never going to end… I’m sure of it

another layer of hell, discovered by yours truly

Eventually the handle will tighten and molten lava will quit flowing from the sky

and I will exhale…

I can’t feel any of my extremities, at this point… but I’m about 97 % sure that I’m still alive

How could this happen?  Is that what you want to know?

Well, apparently Hubs and I have vastly different ways of turning on our showers

Where I turn both the hot and cold handles, in unison… to reach my desired temperature

Hubs chooses to turn the hot handle all the way up and then…. and ONLY then, turn on the cold water to even out the temperature.

He has ALWAYS done this… I have been burned, by his leftover water, many a time…

But I never…. EVER remember

and that…. in his book, makes it “my fault”

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3 thoughts on “The Hell Shower…

  1. powachair2 says:

    LOL Of course it’s your fault. Us guys can’t help it if you do things the wrong way! 🙂

  2. Spectra says:

    He opens your mail, even after being warned not too? I think a little dog-training is in order. When he opens your mail, you’ll have already booby-trapped it… you’ll have removed important papers, re-fit with a cracked egg inside of a folded piece of junkmail. Re-seal envelope with a glue stick. Eventually he will get sick of plunging his fingers into slimy goo. Also, live cockroaches are effective in training a man to keep his grubby paws out of your mail. And a reminder that it’s against the law to open someones mail (will probably fall on deaf ears, tho). That wold piss me off to no end.

  3. The Hook says:

    Marriage rocks, right?

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