January 24, 2012 by Kim
I’ve learned something through the last… 7 years of marriage
and yes, I just totally had to pull out my handy-dandy little calculator…don’t judge.
At least I finally remember which year we were married.
That’s progress, son
So, one of the things I have learned and that I’m sure most married couples will agree on, is to pick my battles wisely
Does it irritate me when I find 4+ days worth of abandoned water cups, on his nightstand?
Does it irritate me that no matter how many times I move the physical location of our laundry basket to where ever he seems to most commonly drop his dirty clothes, his pile will STILL usually end up in a heap in the basket’s previous spot?
Does it irritate me when he opens mail that is addressed to me?
Well, obviously that answer to the above questions are yes…. but the petty arguments that would follow my nagging would totally not be worth it.
Been down that road… it’s not fun, trust me
and besides, it’s always SO much more useful to save all of these minor annoyances and let it bubble up under your skin…
and then, one day, when you ask what he wants for lunch and he chooses the wrong kind of cheese for his sandwich… it will end up being a pretty good cardio work out as you stage-5 freak-out all up and down the entirety of your house…. and part of the garage… next to the washer and dryer
Because, let’s face it, I do 2 very distinct things when I’m mad…
1. I rage
2. I clean
yes, both at the same time…. I’ll be yelling that he’s a worthless piece of crap, while windexing the bathroom mirror…
I’ll be loudly muttering various half-ass threats as I’m sorting the whites and the jeans
I’ll be flailing and venting while loading and unloading the dishwasher…
I can have had no previous inclination, whatsoever, to clean anything, that day… anything at all
but, you set me off and I turn into Mr. Clean…. only not so bald…and possessing a serious case of PMS
Sometimes I think that Hubs sets me off, on purposely, just to get the house straightened up…
One of the biggest pet peeves, I have… Has never even been shared, with him
It pertains to the shower
We both seem to appreciate a nice hot shower… sometimes, if all the planets align, our schedules will somewhat match up and I’ll end up taking my shower directly after his…
and sometimes he’ll even remember to leave the water on, as requested, when he gets out
and I’ll get in…
and the water feels good…. nice and hot
Finally, something we have in common… maybe this whole marriage thing isn’t that bad after all…
So the time will eventually come to remove myself from the shower, before it begins to chill
and, just like usual, I will turn the hot and cold handles in unison…
because that’s how I roll
and it’s habit
and then I will notice that the cold handle stopped turning about 3.8 seconds ago and I’m currently still spinning the hot one
and then pure fire will begin to shoot from the shower head and attempt to cook me
and no matter where I try to position my scalding flesh… the fire drops still manage to hit me
and that damned hot handle is STILL freaking spinning
and it burns…
it really freaking burns
and I want to cry… and escape
but I can’t figure out how to get passed that damned shower curtain, without it sticking to me…
and it’s never going to end… I’m sure of it
another layer of hell, discovered by yours truly
Eventually the handle will tighten and molten lava will quit flowing from the sky
and I will exhale…
I can’t feel any of my extremities, at this point… but I’m about 97 % sure that I’m still alive
How could this happen? Is that what you want to know?
Well, apparently Hubs and I have vastly different ways of turning on our showers
Where I turn both the hot and cold handles, in unison… to reach my desired temperature
Hubs chooses to turn the hot handle all the way up and then…. and ONLY then, turn on the cold water to even out the temperature.
He has ALWAYS done this… I have been burned, by his leftover water, many a time…
But I never…. EVER remember
and that…. in his book, makes it “my fault”