The Best Buffet, Never…


January 23, 2012 by Kim

There are a vast multitude of things that leave me wanting to run over Hub’s bare foot with a dirty shopping cart wheel… repeatedly

back, forth… back again and forth…. and back

Paula Abdul’s Opposites Attract?

That’s us…

While most couples, in our situation, are loving about their differences and state that they “even each other out”

This is not us

We love each other… but, we despise our differences

Case in point… I like eating out and he’d rather hit the drive-thru…

as minor as that may sound, it has caused me many a grouchy meal

all while eating  some of the BEST ITALIAN FOOD EVER… out of a styrofoam box

That’s not the way it should BE!!!  It’s just WRONG!!!

Thumbs down!

So… imagine my surprise, this past weekend, when Hubs actually suggested that we “go somewhere to eat”

I think I may have almost fainted… but I steadied myself, knowing that if I lost consciousness the offer could possibly be revoked.

or Hubs would just pretend that it never happened

or I could possibly stay “under” past that slotted mealtime…

As we drove through town, Hubs suggested a nearby truck stop…

and to be honest,  I was down for whatever.

He could have suggested eating at the McDonalds inside Walmart and I would have happily tagged along

So, we pull up to the truck stop…. and enter the restaurant

We were immediately greeted and informed of the day’s lunch buffet


I freaking LOVE buffets!  Like, seriously love them!

Are you freaking kidding me?  I get to eat out AND it’s a mo-fo BUFFET?!?!

I must have some spectacular karma coming back at me….

Hubs ordered us both the buffets…. knowing damned well my level of buffet obsession

We placed our drink orders and got up to begin loading our plates with the good stuff.

I made a bee-line for the salad bar… as is customary, for me

lettuce… check

cheese… check

ummmm… what else?

onion?  heck to the no

a whole pear?

little square of butter?


What the hell???

Oh…. dressing… I can do dressing…. and there’s a whole other side to the salad bar… I’m sure the salad toppers are over there…


potato salad?

an orange?

…is that a fish stick?

seriously?   Whatever…

I returned to the table and ate my lettuce/cheese/ranch dressing

It wasn’t vile….. but, this was supposed to be a BUFFET damnit!

and I’m pretty sure “buffet” means “all the variety of foods that your obese food-obsessed ass wants” in Fat Language

I’m fluent in that shit…

So, the salad is consumed…  time for the main attraction!

I moonwalk past the leering truckers and grab a dinner plate.

“BOOM!”  I yell….inside my head


spread before me was the truck stop Buffet….

all 3 feet of it

a tub of corn kernels

a tub of boiled carrots, with rogue corn tidbits floating about…

a tray of roasted potatoes

a tray of mashed potatoes

2 vats of gravy, white and brown… complete with a nice gravy skin covering

a tray of fish sticks…. oooooh, that’s where it some from.

and a couple more trays of ocean type food.


I hate ocean type food… even the lore o’ the buffet couldn’t make that right, for me

OH!  I forgot… a tray of brown rice… How the hell did I forget the tray of brown rice?

Wondering what I ate?

Me too….

But I think it was rice, 2 carrots and 3.3 roasted potato pieces

Until that day, I had never encountered a buffet that I didn’t like…

A bad buffet is still a buffet at heart and that pretty much cancels out the “bad” part

but, this was something different.

This didn’t even deserve to claim the name “Buffet”

It was like 9 steps down from lukewarm, tasteless left-overs…

What a disgrace…

 For the first time in my entire life, I found myself wishing that I had ordered off the menu and skipped the buffet

I feel broken… and confused

I can honestly say that I believe a little piece of my innocence was lost, that day

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7 thoughts on “The Best Buffet, Never…

  1. kpchicken says:

    HAHA! I love buffets too, and I’m sorry yours was a let down. Imagine how weird it would be to order everything you eat at a buffet from an actual waitress. “Um, I’ll have a salad, potatoes- both mashed and baked, pizza, chips and salsa, lasagna, shrimp, a brownie, three cookies, a cupcake, a strange chicken looking dish, a strange beef looking dish and a coke.”

  2. powachair2 says:

    lol. Sounds terrible

  3. Spectra says:

    The mistake was that it was a ‘truckers buffett”. They clearly have lower standards. The restaurant only stooped to serve those gruff, underdeveloped pallettes. But Chinese buffetts are awesome. We have one here that serves the entire dinner spread (minus snow crab legs) for half the price. $7.49 buys a paradise of foods. Plus habachi beef and chicken to order.

    Maybe your husband will let you date a guy on the side who likes going to restaurants? The two of you could swing by a Dennys on the way home for hubby’s fixin’s. And everyone is happy 😀

  4. A.E. says:

    That. Sounds. Disgusting. I’m sorry your buffet turned out to be a prideful garbage pile 😦

  5. tyrra says:

    Buffet’s frighten me unless they are in Vegas or a well established constantly busy place. Hope you didn’t get food poisoning. You’ve blogged about Barstow’s Del Taco and DiNapolis Firehouse.. do you live in that area?

  6. The Hook says:

    Yes, buffets rock! When they’re done right, that is…

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