January 23, 2012 by Kim
There are a vast multitude of things that leave me wanting to run over Hub’s bare foot with a dirty shopping cart wheel… repeatedly
back, forth… back again and forth…. and back
Paula Abdul’s Opposites Attract?
While most couples, in our situation, are loving about their differences and state that they “even each other out”
This is not us
We love each other… but, we despise our differences
Case in point… I like eating out and he’d rather hit the drive-thru…
as minor as that may sound, it has caused me many a grouchy meal
all while eating some of the BEST ITALIAN FOOD EVER… out of a styrofoam box
That’s not the way it should BE!!! It’s just WRONG!!!
So… imagine my surprise, this past weekend, when Hubs actually suggested that we “go somewhere to eat”
I think I may have almost fainted… but I steadied myself, knowing that if I lost consciousness the offer could possibly be revoked.
or Hubs would just pretend that it never happened
or I could possibly stay “under” past that slotted mealtime…
As we drove through town, Hubs suggested a nearby truck stop…
and to be honest, I was down for whatever.
He could have suggested eating at the McDonalds inside Walmart and I would have happily tagged along
So, we pull up to the truck stop…. and enter the restaurant
We were immediately greeted and informed of the day’s lunch buffet
I freaking LOVE buffets! Like, seriously love them!
Are you freaking kidding me? I get to eat out AND it’s a mo-fo BUFFET?!?!
I must have some spectacular karma coming back at me….
Hubs ordered us both the buffets…. knowing damned well my level of buffet obsession
We placed our drink orders and got up to begin loading our plates with the good stuff.
I made a bee-line for the salad bar… as is customary, for me
ummmm… what else?
onion? heck to the no
a whole pear?
little square of butter?
What the hell???
Oh…. dressing… I can do dressing…. and there’s a whole other side to the salad bar… I’m sure the salad toppers are over there…
…is that a fish stick?
I returned to the table and ate my lettuce/cheese/ranch dressing
It wasn’t vile….. but, this was supposed to be a BUFFET damnit!
and I’m pretty sure “buffet” means “all the variety of foods that your obese food-obsessed ass wants” in Fat Language
I’m fluent in that shit…
So, the salad is consumed… time for the main attraction!
I moonwalk past the leering truckers and grab a dinner plate.
“BOOM!” I yell….inside my head
spread before me was the truck stop Buffet….
all 3 feet of it
a tub of corn kernels
a tub of boiled carrots, with rogue corn tidbits floating about…
a tray of roasted potatoes
a tray of mashed potatoes
2 vats of gravy, white and brown… complete with a nice gravy skin covering
a tray of fish sticks…. oooooh, that’s where it some from.
and a couple more trays of ocean type food.
I hate ocean type food… even the lore o’ the buffet couldn’t make that right, for me
OH! I forgot… a tray of brown rice… How the hell did I forget the tray of brown rice?
Wondering what I ate?
But I think it was rice, 2 carrots and 3.3 roasted potato pieces
Until that day, I had never encountered a buffet that I didn’t like…
A bad buffet is still a buffet at heart and that pretty much cancels out the “bad” part
but, this was something different.
This didn’t even deserve to claim the name “Buffet”
It was like 9 steps down from lukewarm, tasteless left-overs…
What a disgrace…
For the first time in my entire life, I found myself wishing that I had ordered off the menu and skipped the buffet
I feel broken… and confused
I can honestly say that I believe a little piece of my innocence was lost, that day