January 9, 2012 by Kim
We lost a good man over the weekend…
Team “Mom” had been going strong for roughly 13 years… It was a good run and to be completely honest, I knew it couldn’t last forever.
When you have an odd amount of kids… it’s numerically impossible for both parents to have an equal amount of kids that view them as the favorite.
I guess… unless maybe 1 kid likes Mom, 1 kid likes Dad… and the 3rd kid can’t stand either parent…
Hey… Guess what 3rd kid? This might just be the reason behind your seemingly unfair portrayal in your stick figure family, on the back of Momma’s minivan… Quit crying… Momma and Daddy probably don’t like your moody ass either.
“I might not like you right now, but I’m always going to love you”
Geez…. if I had a nickel for every time I heard that little zinger, while growing up… I’d have about a dime
Because, apparently… I’m mildly un-likeable and also not a huge fan of carrying around loose nickels
and let’s be completely honest here… that dime would have been spent a long time ago.
So back to the Team Mom traitor…
It’s always been pretty simple. Team Mom consists of Daniel and Anthony…. while Team Dad is carried by Dickie.
For the last 7 years Dickie has been trying to get himself counted as 2 votes… by acting bipolar as all Hell…
but, I wasn’t having it…
and by the way… whoever the genius was that declared the “Terrible Twos” to last 2 years…. 2 to 4
Screw you… Seriously! Screw You!
Dickie has chosen an alternate path… He began his “Terrible Twos” 2 years prior to his 2nd birthday…. and is still rocking the lifestyle 5 years later.
I foresee Dickie to still be in his “Terrible Twos” well into his forties…
So, yeah…. I’ve carried 2 votes…. Hubs has always had 1
Daniel is Team Mom due to necessity… if he strays, I’m liable to hide his ADHD medication… I’ve got the good stuff… that kid ain’t going nowhere
Anthony is Team Mom due to hunger…. He is a little more hefty than the other kids and I am the cook of the family… He could defect if he wanted to…. if he wanted to live solely on Top Ramon for the rest of his life.
Whoa… Who the hell is Ramon?
Dickie is Team Dad due to the fact that Hubs has brainwashed Dickie into believing that I am simply the family maid…. I also think he makes him listen to hypnotic cassette tapes while he sleeps… but, I can’t prove it.
So… 13 years into my reign of being Top Parent and I have begun my slow descent down hill…
all with one simple sentence
“I want to stay with Dad”
Anthony was officially lured to the dark side, Sunday afternoon…. and I’m too lazy to go after him…
Enjoy your new addition, Hubs… He’s kind of high-maintenance.