Death of a Christmas Tree…

2

January 2, 2012 by Kim


For the last three days, Hubs and I have both been muttering towards each others general direction about how it’s time to take down the Christmas Tree …

As most things in our house go, this had turned into a mini-war and neither side wanted to be responsible for the fact that the tree was still standing…

Hubs reminded me, yesterday, that he couldn’t physically take the tree down while it was still decorated… at this point, I reminded him that I couldn’t take the decorations down when there was still 50+ levels of Bubble Witch Saga to be played.

That battle ended as a draw

Today, being our last day of vacation, I knew that the tree must come down

Hubs was outside cleaning every last inch of the garage and to be honest, I was feeling a little guilty as I sat leisurely popping bubbles on BWS.  I tried to push the guilt aside and reminded myself of the multitude of times that I had been busting my butt, cleaning the house, while he sat around… playing bingo on Facebook or watching the History Channel… As I glanced, from my seat at the computer desk, out towards the garage… The Christmas tree caught my eye…

Crap…

“What the Hell?”  I thought, walking over to the tree…. How bad can it be to un-decorate a Christmas Tree?

Stupid girl… Stupid, stupid girl

As I reached to remove the first ornament, I felt my hand being stabbed by multiple knife-like pine needles… Holy crap, was the tree dry…  I successfully removed two ornaments before passing the task onto one of the children… Anything to do with Christmas is fun for them…. even if it involves getting stabbed with razor-sharp pine needles.  Or maybe Christmas Trees just don’t stab children, maybe it’s a sacred Christmas rule?

Daniel was able to remove the remaining decorations from our MegaDead Christmas tree, with little to no bloodshed and approached me for assistance in removing the lights.  I tried to de-string the tree, by myself, to begin with…. but I quickly realized that in order to pass the lights behind the tree, I would have to literally bear-hug the cactus/tree…

Not a good time.

I once again turned to Daniel, for help…  As I passed the strand around the back of the tree into his hands, I had a mini-flashback to some random Christmas during my childhood…. and doing the exact same thing with my parents… except I don’t remember my childhood tree quite so…. dead.  My parents were good parents who remembered to do important things… like WATER THE DAMNED CHRISTMAS TREE

So, as I’m taking my little trip down memory lane I absently extended a hand towards Daniel, to take the lights from his side.  As he placed his bundle into my hand, I immediately felt something dig into my thumb that was definitely NOT a pine needle… It felt more like the thumb nail of a 13-year-old boy who had neglected to trim his nails during his Christmas Break.  I jerked my hand away and yelled out something that probably sounded a lot like “SON OF A BITCH!!!!”  When I was finally able to summon the courage to look at my thumb, I assumed the worst.  I had visions of a thumb that had been swiped at with an axe… or a handsaw.  I knew it wasn’t going to be good… I slowly pulled my injured thumb into my line of vision *please don’t faint, please don’t faint, please don’t faint*

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Not even any discoloration…

what the…

As my confusion faded, I banished Daniel Scissor-Hands to an afternoon with the fingernail clippers and turned my attention back to the now-naked tree

or Death-Tree, as I lovingly refer to it now

Realizing that it probably wouldn’t be in the best interest of Christmas 2012, to just throw the ball of Christmas lights into our Christmas box, I turned to my Best Friend, Google…  who informed me that all the cool kids were wrapping their string of lights around pieces of cardboard.

Well, crap…. where am I going to find a freaking piece of cardbo….

oh… yeah….

We have some of that…

and that pile, my friends, is what happens when someone, who shall remain nameless, forgets to take the trash to the curb, for the first trash pickup day following Christmas

 Anyways, thanks for the cardboard, HUBS…

So I’m wrapping the lights around the cardboard and it’s working out really well.  About halfway through, something in my little light/cardboard contraption  finds it necessary to dig into my thumb

Yes, the same thumb that had been attacked earlier in the afternoon

I released a short shriek and did what I feel may closely resemble some kind of rain dance…  Thank goodness I’m only about 1/84th Indian because any rain could have really messed with Hubs ongoing Garage-Cleanupextravaganza

At this point… like any good blogger, I realize that I am living my next blog at that very moment…. I went to grab a piece of paper, from the computer desk, and as I turned to go back to the kitchen table one of The Beast’s beds coiled around my foot… almost launching my face to the ground.  Thank goodness I was able to regain my balance… with my luck today, I probably would have landed on The Thumb.

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2 thoughts on “Death of a Christmas Tree…

  1. Spectra says:

    hahaHAHAhha! This gave me a laugh, Kim. Your poor thumb!

    I enjoyed seeing the pics, too. I haven’t put up a tree in years, but I remember how long I’d leave it up, unwatered, before grappling with it’s cactus-like surface to drag it out to the curb. You did do a nice job re-wrapping those christmas lights, though.

  2. JM Randolph says:

    I say you got your tree out waaaaay ahead of schedule. It’s still technically Christmas til January 6th anyway, and you don’t have to feel shame until Valentine’s Day. But dear god, can you imagine your poor thumb if you waited that long?

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