Er We Go…

1

November 9, 2011 by Kim


Somebody… somewhere hates me and all of my coworkers, who reside in Cube-Town

I mean… they REALLY despise us

I’m not sure what we could have done to this faceless person to provoke such rage

Did we unknowingly steal their parking spot at Walmart?

Miss-spell their name in an email?

Forget to return a pen that was borrowed?

It doesn’t take much for tempers to flair, in Cube-Town

Unfortunately, this person has a gift.

A gift that affects each and every one of us, during our time on the clock.

The power that is… Indoor Temperature Control

and, trust me, they know how to use their powers for evil.

Unadulterated

Evil

It never fails, every summer the cooler “breaks”

We reside in the desert… Desert heat is no joke.

Ever experienced 130 degrees of pure dry heat?

It’s living Death

nothing more…. nothing less.

I remember one day, this last summer, quite clearly…

well, actually it’s sort of hazy but I credit that to the continuous wave of sweat that was pouring over my eyeballs.

It is a well-known fact that if you’re walking towards the outer stairs, before 6:30AM, and the door leading to Cube-Town is open…. there’s gonna be issues.

Hot, crappy issues

We, then, proceed to swelter for 9 straight hours.

There is no relief.

We have desk fans…. however, they are about as refreshing as a blow dryer aimed towards the face

So Summer has come and gone…  No more sweaty days peering through dripping eyelashes at a computer screen.

That is long behind us….

We literally went from 70 degree mornings to 25 degree mornings within a span of about 3 days.  We should be happy?

No?

Oh, wait…. the cooler is now mysteriously working again…. and surprise, surprise that damned heater is now non-op

Monday morning was spent correcting typos that were created by shivering fingers.

Bagged lunches were traded for gloves.

Profanities burst over cubicle walls as the chill became unbearable

I’m not sure who we managed to piss off…. but on behalf of….. well, everyone.

I’m freaking SORRY!!!!

Damn it

My cubicle finally had its ergo assessment, this week.  At the end of my assessment I was pretty much told to disassemble the entire thing and throw it down the stairs, as hard as I can.  Safely, of course.

I decided to keep my walls intact, opting instead to request a document holder, wrist rest thingy and a fireplace.

I validated the fireplace using the following arguments…

-A fireplace would completely eliminate any need for a paper shredder

-A fireplace would save on electricity, because I wouldn’t need to use a microwave

-The fireplace poker would come in handy if we ever came under terrorist attack

ummmm

-I would be more productive, since I wouldn’t be complaining about how cold I was during the majority of my working hours

-DAMN IT I JUST WANT TO BE COMFORTABLE!!!

Hopefully it’s approved.

and on a completely unrelated note…. The Beast kicked my thumb’s ass this morning.

Somewhere, outside, a bird is lovingly making a nest for her family using bits and pieces of flesh from my thumb

Enjoy, bird and family… my thumb didn’t need that skin anyways

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One thought on “Er We Go…

  1. Spectra says:

    Ah…so funny. I do love that fireplace, though. It’s stunning. I’d love one just like that! And I find your argument for a wall bursting with flames to be both plausible and logical. If management does not see things eye-to-eye with you, perhaps human resources will, when you describe, in microbial detail, your peculiar, life-threatening disability which requires a fireplace within 36 inches of your being. Under the Americans With Disabilities Act, they will be legally REQUIRED to put in your firelace. Or move you to the basement near the furnace. Eithor – Or.

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