November 9, 2011 by Kim
Somebody… somewhere hates me and all of my coworkers, who reside in Cube-Town
I mean… they REALLY despise us
I’m not sure what we could have done to this faceless person to provoke such rage
Did we unknowingly steal their parking spot at Walmart?
Miss-spell their name in an email?
Forget to return a pen that was borrowed?
It doesn’t take much for tempers to flair, in Cube-Town
Unfortunately, this person has a gift.
A gift that affects each and every one of us, during our time on the clock.
The power that is… Indoor Temperature Control
and, trust me, they know how to use their powers for evil.
It never fails, every summer the cooler “breaks”
We reside in the desert… Desert heat is no joke.
Ever experienced 130 degrees of pure dry heat?
It’s living Death
nothing more…. nothing less.
I remember one day, this last summer, quite clearly…
well, actually it’s sort of hazy but I credit that to the continuous wave of sweat that was pouring over my eyeballs.
It is a well-known fact that if you’re walking towards the outer stairs, before 6:30AM, and the door leading to Cube-Town is open…. there’s gonna be issues.
Hot, crappy issues
We, then, proceed to swelter for 9 straight hours.
There is no relief.
We have desk fans…. however, they are about as refreshing as a blow dryer aimed towards the face
So Summer has come and gone… No more sweaty days peering through dripping eyelashes at a computer screen.
That is long behind us….
We literally went from 70 degree mornings to 25 degree mornings within a span of about 3 days. We should be happy?
Oh, wait…. the cooler is now mysteriously working again…. and surprise, surprise that damned heater is now non-op
Monday morning was spent correcting typos that were created by shivering fingers.
Bagged lunches were traded for gloves.
Profanities burst over cubicle walls as the chill became unbearable
I’m not sure who we managed to piss off…. but on behalf of….. well, everyone.
I’m freaking SORRY!!!!
My cubicle finally had its ergo assessment, this week. At the end of my assessment I was pretty much told to disassemble the entire thing and throw it down the stairs, as hard as I can. Safely, of course.
I decided to keep my walls intact, opting instead to request a document holder, wrist rest thingy and a fireplace.
-A fireplace would completely eliminate any need for a paper shredder
-A fireplace would save on electricity, because I wouldn’t need to use a microwave
-The fireplace poker would come in handy if we ever came under terrorist attack
-I would be more productive, since I wouldn’t be complaining about how cold I was during the majority of my working hours
-DAMN IT I JUST WANT TO BE COMFORTABLE!!!
Hopefully it’s approved.
and on a completely unrelated note…. The Beast kicked my thumb’s ass this morning.
Somewhere, outside, a bird is lovingly making a nest for her family using bits and pieces of flesh from my thumb
Enjoy, bird and family… my thumb didn’t need that skin anyways