How to be upstaged by a Burrito…

6

September 7, 2011 by Kim


It was a day just like any other day…

The co-workers and myself were sulking around our home away from home, Cube Town

 The remaining hours of our usual work day lingered overhead and a certain level of unrest settled deep into the Cubicles.

Something was amiss but I just couldn’t put my finger on it…

But, alas… It was The Wednesday

Dia de la million reports

The Wednesday always manages to have us by the balls.

The Wednesday would probably sport a devious handlebar mustache if The Wednesday’s lover wasn’t so opposed to facial hair…

So, although there was a sinister unfamiliarity in the air…. we trudged onward.

Through the haze of calculator printings and hushed small talk, I heard a distant forlorn wail.

A wail that I instantly recognized.

Cube Neighbor to the Left!!!

Cube Neighbor to the Left… who shall from here on out be referred to as DT

You wanna know what DT stands for, don’tcha?

She’s agonna kill me… but I’m agonna tell you anyway!

DT = Dump Truck

Dump Truck???? Really?  That’s kinda messed up don’tcha think?

No.

and for one simple fact…

She’s got dumps like a truck

truck

……truck

 DT it is.

So, anyway… back to my tale.

The wail.

Something was wrong…. really wrong.

DT is not generally a wailer.

a bitcher

a complainer

a neck-roller

yes.

A wailer… never

and that was it… as quickly as the sorrow fled her body, the rage taketh over.

“WHO THE FUCK ATE MY BURRITO!”

“I PUT THAT SHIT IN THE FREEZER THIS MORNING AND IT’S GONE, WHO THE HELL TOOK IT”

The rage overtook DT’s body for a good 45 minutes…. I attempted to assist in BurritoHunt2011, but came up with nothing

The coveted burrito was gone.

As DT’s anger boiled over, a sudden sadness overtook me.

“I can’t believe someone would steal your burrito…. that’s just…. messed up” I whispered to DT as she suspiciously eyed one of our male Cube neighbors.

Burrito-Gate finally began to wind down as we prepared to leave for the day.

As I was collecting my purse and tucking my cell phone into my back pocket, my anxiety suddenly sky-rocketed. 

What if I was being set up?

DT and myself are pretty tight…. She’s the closest thing I have to a work spouse and she even bought me a birthday present this year…. ON my birthday.

I’m her salt and she’s my pepper.

She’s my Dump Truck and I’m her Flat Bed

peas and carrots…

what if someone wanted to RUIN that!

What if the burrito wrapper had been stashed in my cubicle somewhere!!!!

I hastily flung open my cabinet doors and scanned the contents of my trash can….

Nothing.

Thank God… Nothing.

It has been 6 hours now, since our release from the cubicles.

and I still can’t stop thinking about DT’s rogue burrito

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6 thoughts on “How to be upstaged by a Burrito…

  1. Chas Rairden says:

    Food Thieves Suck! Burrito Thieves are especially hideous creatures. To Hell with the Burrito Thieve! Leave a “Doctored up” Burrito in the food cooler, he/she deserves what they get!

  2. The Hook says:

    Working for a living rocks, doesn’t it?

  3. JM Randolph says:

    I totally would have started worrying about being framed too. That’s exactly where my mind would have gone. I loved this: The Wednesday would probably sport a devious handlebar mustache if The Wednesday’s lover wasn’t so opposed to facial hair…
    I completely agree. In fact, I think Wednesday may actually be growing a devious handlebar mustache in SPITE of the fact that the lover doesn’t like it.

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