See Ya In The Streets Tooth Fairy….


August 22, 2011 by Kim

Dickie has had quite an accomplished day, today.

This morning was his first day of 1st grade and tonight he lost his second tooth.

The tooth had been hanging on by a thread the last week and was driving me NUTS!

A solitary tater tot finally did the trick.

Tonight, I am going to try to do something that I have never, in my 13 years of parenting, been able to pull off.

I will attempt to put the rogue tooth under his pillow, for the tooth fairy AND also to remove said tooth, during the night and replace it with some money.

That’s right… you read it here first.  13 years, zillions of lost teeth and the Tooth Fairy has failed, in some way, each time…

I told Anthony, at one point, that I believed our Tooth Fairy might have a bit of a drinking problem…. Bitch just can’t get her crap together!

Dickie lost his first tooth a few weeks ago and Hubs and I were actually pretty damned excited… we explained the Tooth Fairy thing to Dickie and he seemed to like the idea… so, Dickie went to bed… a little later we went to bed… morning came…. crap.

We had forgotten to replace the damn tooth with money…. Oh, wait…. we actually forgot to even put the tooth under the pillow to begin with. Total Tooth Fairy Fail.

I distracted Dickie, slipped a dollar into Anthony’s hand and instructed him to go take care of business… Thank goodness for older kids.  5 minutes later Dickie was parading around the house, dollar bill clenched firmly in his sweaty little hand.  He didn’t even notice, as I did a little later, that his tooth was still sitting on the kitchen counter… where we had placed it the previous night.

In my entire parenting career, I have never been able to pull off the Tooth Fairy gig…I have placed the tooth and forgotten to remove…. I have placed the tooth and realized later that I had no kind of currency… I have lost the tooth before it could be placed…. I have completely forgotten there even ever was a tooth…

I have never come out on top.

So, tonight… it’s just you and me, Tooth Fairy tradition crap…

You’ve had me in some embarrassing situations over the last decade or so…. I have had to do some fast talking and have also had to give the “reality talk” years sooner than I had hoped for.  Tonight, Tooth Fairy tradition.. your ass is mine.


4 thoughts on “See Ya In The Streets Tooth Fairy….

  1. kimberly merkel says:

    I suck at this too.

  2. Spectra says:

    Wow! This makes me appreciate the severe fact, that, not once in my childhood, did the tooth-Fairy ever fail me. I always got my money, whatever the going rate. And I thought my parents were retards!
    Good going, on trying to keep up the old guard, BTW. A good effort, here.
    Tooth Fairy, Be on guard! Your Union Card just might me expired!

  3. All the little fingers that, over the years in my house, reached under their pillows to find… the tooth still there. Ugh. I felt the pangs of mother guilt. “I guess the tooth fairy couldn’t find it, so we’ll put it under again, okay?” And the sweet wee things believed their mother.

  4. JM Randolph says:

    I hate the Tooth Fairy. Hate.

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