August 17, 2011 by Kim
As I just shoveled the last forkful of rice, from my dinner plate, into my mouth… I remembered that I should probably write a blog today.
I have a very unhealthy relationship with Food.
Food and I have tried going our separate ways many a time. We always seem to find our way back into each others lives though… Stupid survival.
The other day, as I watched ATC eating canned fruit, with a fork, out of a generic sandwich bag… I realized that many of us have our issues and/or oddities with food.
If I’m going to claim any kind of expertise in the area of food…. I will have to go with raging ignorance.
and, with that, I give to you…
“How Not To Diet”
- Liquid COUNTS! I have been on many a diet where I somehow managed to convince myself that all liquids are freebies. All of them! That encompasses everything from H20 to a very watery milkshake. Calorie/Guilt Free! No, I think not…
- If you plan to stop “going back for seconds” you can NOT load your plate twice as high as usual, your first pass through. The bad part isn’t necessarily your second trip into the kitchen… the bad part is the 15 pounds of food you just unloaded down your throat…. Pound of feathers, Pound of bricks?
- Eating food off of your kid’s plate, as you take it to the table, can still add to your waistline. My poor boys don’t know what a full serving of tater tots actually looks like… luckily they know better than to say anything about the 2 and a half tots they end up with.
- Stop finding an excuse to “cheat” I’m the master at that…. Weekend? Cheat Day! Big holiday? Cheat Day! Small obscure holiday that is only celebrated in another hemisphere? Cheat Day! The Beast only ate one action figure? Cheat Day! Lost a pound? Cheat Day!
- If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, it will still make a sound…. and that sound will be somewhat similar to the sound of your pants screaming for mercy as you try to zip them up after you ate that entire cake in an empty room. No one saw you, but you’re still gonna get fat.
- If someone “forces” or “persuades” you to eat something, the accompanying weight will NOT be transferred to the pusher…. and the pusher is probably pretty hefty themselves anyways! Misery loves them some company… especially company that makes Misery’s ass look smaller. Just say no.
- If you DO cheat at some point during the day… GET BACK ON TRACK! Right then! There is no reason to turn one little innocent miss-step into an all-out everything must be eaten feeding frenzy. ***disclaimer*** Getting “back on track” does NOT mean to run into the nearest bathroom and vomit your food infidelity all over the toilet seat.
- If you bring home a fresh pie for the family to enjoy after dinner, do not eat the entire leftover pie in one sitting, before bed, to “get it out of the house quicker” It might make sense, at the time…. but think this one through. Bad idea!
and there you have it…. my jaded look into the world of dieting