August 4, 2011 by Kim
Katrillions and bajillions of people, near and far, are eagerly awaiting tomorrow… Friday
“TGIF” they will shriek as they leap from their beds!
Whatever “Friday” chooses to hand them will be taken with a grain of salt because the weekend is upon us.
Friday’s motto is not just TGIF…. It is also, as one of my coworkers calls it, “I don’t give a D day” D stands for damn.
You’re welcome, I didn’t want you to get confused and be like… D? Whatever could she mean?
I don’t give a dentist day?
I don’t give a denture day?
I don’t give a dime day?
I don’t give a DAMN day.
Oh, glorious Friday.
Wanna know a secret? Come here….. closer. A little closer, we don’t want everyone to hear…. Closer damnit!!!!
Ummmm… You DO realize that you’re R E A D I N G this and you can’t actually “hear” me, right?
Get your sweaty forehead off the screen, please.
So, back to my secret…. Whilst 7/9s of mankind is trudging towards tomorrow, I was trudging towards today!
Ain’t she purdy??? Hands off the dress. Look, don’t touch.
So my “Friday” for this week has officially come and is nearly gone. I have survived Thur-Friday and my weekend beckons…. like a floozy in heat.
Here are some little bits and pieces of Thur-Friday
I attempted to release a nugget of my new “Orange Swirl” gum, which by the way tastes like a lukewarm creamsicle. The first piece come sliding out, no problemo! I pushed on the 2nd piece, anticipating a rapid release from its foil purgatory… nothing. The gum actually cracked and smushed under the demanding pressure of my thumb, but the thin foil in the back did not give. I tried 3 times. I failed 3 times. I gave up. I believe as I left work this afternoon, it was the last piece of gum left in the package! I’m coming for you on Monday, crappy gum…. better bring your A game, biatch! I swear if it thwarts me again, I’m probably going to throw it at someone. Watch yo’ back, ATC!
Afternoon snack. Can you see my 3 points of failure? I can usually rip these little suckers open, using only my teeth…. apparently Slim Jim is now making their wrappers using the foil from the back of the Trident gum. The first 2 attempts managed to rip a little shard of plastic off the corner… I can’t say for sure that I did not possibly swallow one of the corners. Try number 3 actually ripped down the middle, but for whatever reason Randy Savage was not smiling down upon me and the packaging refused to completely open. In a blacked-out rage I released the little Slim Jim…. no animals were harmed in the opening of my snack.
Finally we come to the last cherry in my bag of…. cherries. What did you think I was going to say? As you can see even my Cubicle Dust Devil is thoroughly disgusted by this mold-seeping disease-ridden poor excuse for a cherry. It was really gross. So gross, even I wouldn’t eat it. CDD is boycotting my cube until that “damned trash gets taken out” Stupid crappy cherry. Way to be a loser!
This concludes my photo montage of…. well, I guess the crap I consumed today…
*except the crap-cherry, I DID NOT eat the crap cherry*
and to end this Thur-Friday post on a slightly higher and more smiley note… I had the pleasure of “accidentally” spraying the top of ATC’s head with Pledge while cleaning the top of my cube cabinets. It was great and I laughed so hard I almost piddled myself.