June 21, 2011 by Kim

I spend well over half my waking hours, Monday through Friday, nestled inside a cubicle.

It’s not even a “nice” cubicle…in fact, I would venture to say that it could possibly be the crappiest cubicle on the entire Base.

I would almost rather work from out of the Boy’s Bathroom


I have recently found that there are many different breeds of Cubies.

There are the Cubies who slave away, chained to their seats.  I suspect that there may be a jar of urine hidden away in  a desk drawer… hopefully behind lock and key.

There are the wandering Cubies.  They hate their Cube just as much as the rest of us and will find ANY excuse to escape its walls.  Ask them to go heat up some popcorn for you or shred a towering mountain of paperwork… chances are they are going to say “YES”

There are the popular Cubies.  You should consider offering them your spare visitor’s chair… they’ve always got a guest, or two… or five. They don’t need no stinking door… there’s always human bodies blocking the entrance to their Cube anyways…

…and then there’s me.

I’m that annoying Cubie  that will screw with your shit while you’re in the restroom.

I’ll lower your chair, adjust the brightness of your screen, unplug your keyboard, Post-It one of your walls, turn all your pictures upside down, draw a funny hat on the picture gracing your security card and take a piece of your gum…

I’ll even wreak havoc on your surroundings, while you’re sitting right there…

I have been known to “make it rain” using teeny tiny pieces of shredded paper in a heartbeat….  The janitors probably HATE me.

A LOT of things get thrown over the Cube walls… paperclips, rubber bands, rows of staples, oranges, hard candy, grapes… and most recently a pair of rolled up socks.

 …and we don’t even know where those CAME FROM, man!!!!

Today was the day when ATC decided he would attempt to thwart me.

I’m guessing he thought he could overthrow my reign of Cubie terror!


First thing in the morning the ball came up missing from my mouse…

It stumped me for a minute, however he gave up the ball’s hiding spot… much too easily.

I let it slide until the afternoon

Until there was a chance that he had forgotten and his guard was low.

This, my friends, is when ATC made a HUGE error in judgement.

He left the immediate area… for a LONG time.

My specialty has always been stealing random keys off the keyboard.

I’ll usually just take 1 letter… or mix the directional arrows up… maybe steal the space bar

But this had to be bigger than that

Much. Bigger.

…and in a flash it was complete

I had successfully lifted the “A,E,I,O and U” from his keyboard, deposited them inside my Cube and left a Post-It asking if he’d “Like to buy a Vowel”

I also lowered his chair…

He’s like 8 foot 7

The chair thing messes with him bad…

Real Bad.

Michael Jackson

I will NEVER be overthrown!



8 thoughts on “Cubie-topia

  1. this is brilliant, i need to try that one out 🙂

  2. Chas Rairden says:

    … And we’re paying you to do these shenanigans? I’m just sayin.


  3. Sharp says:

    We are the same Cubie! Irritating other cubies… how fun is that :P.
    I recently got myself a flying monkey (look liks this:
    It yells and screens and hit things when you shoot it at some one. Loads of fun… The only disadvantage is that it backfires every now and then… The monkey needs to make it back to my desk one way or another… right 😛

    • Kim says:

      Hahaha… I love the flying monkey. I bought one a few years back and gave it to my boss… he still has it perched in his cube. I should probably go steal it back… 😉

  4. Sharp says:

    lol really?

    It’s used really a lot here.. I’m amazed that there still are no casualties reported. :’)

  5. The Hook says:

    Great office post!

  6. Miss Marblemouth says:

    Love. You sound like a regular Jim Halpert. I’m a cross between the mess with personal things cubie and the roaming cubie. My cube mate left his computer unlocked once and I threw water all over the floor and drew a scribbly ring in paint, setting it as his background. Then I flipped all of my dark Chinese hair over my head and told him he had seven days to live. He hadn’t seen The Ring, which made me a humongous ass.

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