June 21, 2011 by Kim
I spend well over half my waking hours, Monday through Friday, nestled inside a cubicle.
It’s not even a “nice” cubicle…in fact, I would venture to say that it could possibly be the crappiest cubicle on the entire Base.
I would almost rather work from out of the Boy’s Bathroom…
I have recently found that there are many different breeds of Cubies.
There are the Cubies who slave away, chained to their seats. I suspect that there may be a jar of urine hidden away in a desk drawer… hopefully behind lock and key.
There are the wandering Cubies. They hate their Cube just as much as the rest of us and will find ANY excuse to escape its walls. Ask them to go heat up some popcorn for you or shred a towering mountain of paperwork… chances are they are going to say “YES”
There are the popular Cubies. You should consider offering them your spare visitor’s chair… they’ve always got a guest, or two… or five. They don’t need no stinking door… there’s always human bodies blocking the entrance to their Cube anyways…
…and then there’s me.
I’m that annoying Cubie that will screw with your shit while you’re in the restroom.
I’ll lower your chair, adjust the brightness of your screen, unplug your keyboard, Post-It one of your walls, turn all your pictures upside down, draw a funny hat on the picture gracing your security card and take a piece of your gum…
I’ll even wreak havoc on your surroundings, while you’re sitting right there…
I have been known to “make it rain” using teeny tiny pieces of shredded paper in a heartbeat…. The janitors probably HATE me.
A LOT of things get thrown over the Cube walls… paperclips, rubber bands, rows of staples, oranges, hard candy, grapes… and most recently a pair of rolled up socks.
…and we don’t even know where those CAME FROM, man!!!!
Today was the day when ATC decided he would attempt to thwart me.
I’m guessing he thought he could overthrow my reign of Cubie terror!
First thing in the morning the ball came up missing from my mouse…
It stumped me for a minute, however he gave up the ball’s hiding spot… much too easily.
I let it slide until the afternoon
Until there was a chance that he had forgotten and his guard was low.
This, my friends, is when ATC made a HUGE error in judgement.
He left the immediate area… for a LONG time.
My specialty has always been stealing random keys off the keyboard.
I’ll usually just take 1 letter… or mix the directional arrows up… maybe steal the space bar
But this had to be bigger than that
…and in a flash it was complete
I had successfully lifted the “A,E,I,O and U” from his keyboard, deposited them inside my Cube and left a Post-It asking if he’d “Like to buy a Vowel”
I also lowered his chair…
He’s like 8 foot 7
The chair thing messes with him bad…
I will NEVER be overthrown!