Tears of a Clown…


April 16, 2011 by Kim

16 years ago, in August, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen.

In all my 33 years, the hardest thing I have ever had to do… by far, is to place her into another couple’s arms… and walk away.

The tears have been silently marching down my face since hubs left for work today.

The old saying that “it gets easier” is true, I guess… to some extent.

But when it hits…it hits hard.

When it hits… I feel empty

and sad

and alone.

I become that depressed 17-year-old all over again.

…any accomplishment that I’ve made, since August 12 1995… it doesn’t matter

I know that at some point, today,  I’ll snap out of it.

I’ll miss her every second of every day and I will forever…

but, when I fall into these funks.

God… It hurts





7 thoughts on “Tears of a Clown…

  1. Ironic Mom says:

    What a sacrifice. Wow. I can’t imagine. Thanks for sharing it.

  2. oldancestor says:

    Pretty powerful with few words. Life is full of “I wonder.”

  3. That picture of my new nephew that I posted yesterday? His mom is my sister, and just over forty years ago someone made the same choice with her. Someone placed her in the arms of another couple and walked away and because they made that terribly hard decision, I was born having the best sister on the planet. I know it’s a bitch. I always wished I could thank her birth mother for what she did.

  4. Wow.

    I had a self-imposed rule: no “real” sex until after I was 18.

    Because I wouldn’t have been able to let a child go and wanted to be done with high school, just in case.

    Know you did the right thing, which is why it hurts so damn much.

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