Lions and Tigers and Crickets… oh MY!


April 12, 2011 by Kim

 So… the other night was a normal night… just like any other night.  Husband… long gone to his graveyard shift.Kids… Tucked away, dreaming about me bitching in their general directions….

Me… Enjoying my “Kim” time … sitting in bed, painting my toenails and watching the new Degrassi High marathon.

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I put the finishing touches on my artwork and sprawled across my bed… eagerly taking in my 2nd hour of Degrassi goodness… It had been an awesome  night, I had watched both Cheaters and TMZ …. and now hours upon hours of uninterrupted Degrassi lay ahead.

As the show’s youngsters arrived at the beach, I noticed that along with the sounds of waves and teenage chatter there was also the hum of a cricket in the background…. A somewhat high-pitched annoying cricket chirp-hum type thing.

I mumbled my displeasure towards the show’s sound techs and turned the volume down… Didn’t want to wake the kids and spoil Kim-time… The waves and chit-chat slowly faded away… and the hum-chirp got louder…


Glancing around my room I suddenly came to the horrible realization…. These were NOT the hum-chirp sounds of any FAKE cricket….. Oh, NO!!!! This was a REAL cricket… AND it was hanging out IN MY FREAKING ROOM WITH ME!!!

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At this point the hum-chirp was almost shrill in pitch and my head was beginning to spin…. I got off the bed and headed to the door….. not really sure WHY…. I think I was headed for the bathroom to curl up into the fetal position and hide myself away from any evil high-pitched crickets that had decided I needed a room-mate.

As I reached to open my bedroom door the cricket flung itself from it’s hiding spot and ricocheted off all 4 walls about 7 times. I just stood there with my hands somewhat blocking my face…. wide-eyed as it torpedoed around my room. It finally came to a stop on my bed. We both stood there, motionless… staring at each other. I suddenly realized that it was going to be me vs. evil. I slowly leaned in closer for a better look at the beast. There was no fear in his eyes. I inched backwards and he began his attack again…. zip, zip, zip,zip…. I ducked my head down and muffled my flustered squeal…. I glanced back up just in time to see it fling itself towards whirling ceiling fan… The fan then putted Mr. Monster-Cricket to the wall behind my head. Down I went, again.

Somehow Mr. M.C landed on my dresser…. I swooped in and grabbed him with 2 finger. This, my friends is when Mr. M.C. lost his ever-buggin MIND!!!

I’m not sure if crickets have teeth, but I think this asshole bug tried to bite my finger off… so I did what any fearless bug catching warrior would do… I freaked out and dropped him.

Once again he was sitting on my bed. I momentarily played with the idea of letting him just HAVE the bed… I mean… I GUESS I could sleep on the floor.. maybe he’d let me get a pillow of the bed or somethi…..

Oh, Hell, No!!!

I swiftly grabbed a T-shirt off the dresser, flung it, Matrix-Style, around Mr. M.C. Clutching the T-shirt tightly closed I ran for the front door, flung it open and shook the shirt violently towards the lawn.

It’s been 2 days now…. I haven’t heard from or seen Mr M.C since our little fall-out. It’s probably for the best though.


One thought on “Lions and Tigers and Crickets… oh MY!

  1. Kimberly Merkel says:


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