April 8, 2011 by Kim
Can somebody please explain to me the allure of wearing your sunglasses INSIDE a store? I honestly don’t understand the whys or hows of this little phenom. Just this last weekend I almost forgot to remove my shades as I strolled into Vons. A horrible, chilling shame ran down my spine as I realized that, indeed… I was inside a store… a store with extremely adequate lighting…. wearing sunglasses. I quickly plucked them off my face, chucked them into the depths of my purse and choked down the urge to apologize to anyone within 25 feet of me. I really try to not go out of my way to look like a douche.
Entering my “grocery store trance” I began to wonder the aisles, stopping briefly in the pet section to take a picture of the pet food refrigerator to send to my husband. He totally did not believe it existed. Wrong buddy. A couple of steps further and I realized that Vons was playing Britney Spears “Hit Me Baby, One More Time” over the loudspeaker… it was about 2.5 more seconds before I realized that I was lip-singing and dancing along to the music. I REALLY do try to not go out of my way to look like a douche.
I managed to make it through the rest of the trip without incident and reached the checkout line. Unloaded, scanned and paid for my items. And then I met him. The wonder that is… the Slowest Bag Boy of All Time!!! He really was a sight to behold. The rate of speed that he was capable of not moving was sincerely impressive. He would bag 1 or 2 items and then stare off into space for about 45 seconds. Then he would bag another item… slowly look up at me and ask if I had found everything ok… bag another 3 items and stare off in space… bag 2 more and just stand there. I have a really hard time being rude to people who aren’t assholes… so I just dug in my purse, pretending to look for something, during the 10 minutes it took to bag my groceries. Maybe I should have just put on my sunglasses and performed my Britney Spears impersonation for him, while waiting….